Somehow though, I get sucked into a pit of self hatred and misery that becomes overwhelming. It causes me to isolate myself and judge everything I do with angry eyes.
Last year that isolation was unbearable, living by myself and utterly financially empty just amplified that feeling.
This year, I am living with my lovely fella which is frankly wonderful but my internal emotional state is not that much rosier. I feel guilty for feeling down when actually things in many ways are not that bad. He is loving and supportive and gives the most amazing cuddles. Finances are tight but we have a budget in place.
However, the angsty feelings leave me at a point of doubt – am I worthwhile? are my intentions valuable? should I continue?
Lots of Purky Products have been photographed and are now listed online. I have set the infrastructure in place for my Magnificent Maker’s Market and have so much to do. I want to help my partner regenerate his family business and push the limits of my productivity.
Obviously I wish I had more financial resources to draw upon and this will be a struggle but I am used to that.
At this point I should mention that my careful efforts to document and share my work online has brought me huge amounts of suppport that have made things much better.
It will all be ok, it is just January.