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January

I do not really get along well with January.
Traditionally lots of people have post seasonal blues and I understand and accept that.

Somehow though, I get sucked into a pit of self hatred and misery that becomes overwhelming. It causes me to isolate myself and judge everything I do with angry eyes.

Last year that isolation was unbearable, living by myself and utterly financially empty just amplified that feeling.

This year, I am living with my lovely fella which is frankly wonderful but my internal emotional state is not that much rosier. I feel guilty for feeling down when actually things in many ways are not that bad. He is loving and supportive and gives the most amazing cuddles. Finances are tight but we have a budget in place.

However, the angsty feelings leave me at a point of doubt – am I worthwhile? are my intentions valuable? should I continue?

It eats away at my confidence and happiness and I usually retreat into myself.
January 2013, I have retreated into my projects.

Lots of Purky Products have been photographed and are now listed online. I have set the infrastructure in place for my Magnificent Maker’s Market and have so much to do. I want to help my partner regenerate his family business and push the limits of my productivity.

Obviously I wish I had more financial resources to draw upon and this will be a struggle but I am used to that.

I think I should share a photograph or two now, to lighten the mood.

These are Purky bronze items 🙂

They are formed using unique Purky dies and texture forms then are sintered in the Purky kiln.
I then hand finish them to bring out the rich bronze tones.

At this point I should mention that my careful efforts to document and share my work online has brought me huge amounts of suppport that have made things much better.

Wonderful people on www.facebook.com/purkyproducts and www.facebook.com/magnificentmakersmarket have offered me wonderful feedback.

It will all be ok, it is just January.

Anyways folks, much love for now xx

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Blue Monday

Not just a fabulous song from the eighties but a fitting sumation of my mood today.

I managed to wake up at seven and be relatively bouncy, fed Phil got myself to work.

My car’s windscreen wipers have broken again, sigh but never mind.

Straight into Calista chair land and tedium but that wasn’t too much of a bother either.

I haven’t elaborated on how Cads & Bounders and the London Steampunk Market went but will do proper posts on those later this week. They were fantastic events for my confidence, networking and marketing but my business account is not looking too healthy. An artist’s life is about feast and famine (if they are moderately lucky) but I haven’t paid my gas bill, electric bill, phone bill or internet bill this month. The Purky Party did magnificently well and made enough to pay the previous months bills and pay for my car to be MOT’d and insured.

However, at about half past ten it felt like my bathtub of happiness had the plug pulled and everything drained away. It took about ten minutes but I was so subdued, tired and depressed. A fuse just went ping and the world was grey to me.

It took me by surprise and I think I need a few early nights to recuperate. Basically, Sunday was my first  day off this month where I wasn’t working all day and night for Purky or my day job. I got more than 6 hours sleep as well which I though was enough to restore me but evidently I was wrong.

A few personal issues regarding past relationships have been dogging my subconcious as well as the state of my home and finances. These things can all be dealt with.

I truly believe in the path I am walking down and that I can succeed as an artist.

Lots of blog posts are coming up and I will get back on it soon.

I recieved a lot of wonderful support from my online friendship network and corporeal friends.

Will be back to my Purky self soon, I imagine.

Lots of love

H
xx

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Where I am….

Hi,

time for one of those posts where I am not talking about my work. I am in quite a strange place in my life.

On one side, my Folksy shop (www.folksy.com/shops/purkyproducts) launched successfully last week and hit its sales targets. I have met some nice chaps, enjoyed the company of my friends.

On the other, I am not sleeping, do not have enough money to pay the rent, bills and buy food. Emotionally I am still recovering from the loss of my mother and my big breakup.

It is like I am looking over an abyss of drink, sex and other consumptions that wants me to jump back in. Despite the things that are positive in my life and my attempts to focus upon them. I am rather depressed.

However, Purky Products hit its sales target in the first week on Folksy – that is fabulous and I am very pleased. It bodes well for a Purky future.

I am surrounded by people who love me and care about me. For that I am so grateful and lucky.

Bills are just bills, they are always there, I can manage and will manage.

A very sage older friend of mine said (this is a paraphrase)

‘You are drawn to the darkness because you know how to handle it, how it feels to be surrounded by that negativity. The light scares you because you are not used to it and do not know how to handle your impending success’

What a dude, huh? Love him to bits.

I need to ensure my impending success by building confidence, working on my business and looking to the bright future that I can create for myself.

Much Purky love

H
xxx