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Happy Birthday Mum x

Yesterday, it would have been my Mother’s 64th birthday. Beatles song lyrics aside it got me thinking.
At the moment I am averaging 75 hours a week at work between my two jobs (yeah I took on a second job…) and it is leaving me no space for anything else. 
Pragmaticism dictates that I should make hay while the sun shines but I am tired, stressed and irrepressibly angry. The anger is taking me very much by surprise and it’s a constant struggle every day to contain my rage.
It has been playing on my mind over the last week that my Mother who was such a beautiful, loving caring soul had a life filled with tragedies. My heart is pulled to pieces by this and the knowledge that there was no triumph at the end. 
I miss her most days anyway. At the moment it is much stronger and I wonder if that’s why my core is so hot, fiery and prickly right now.  However, in the search of future positivity I decided to make a list of what I actually want, for myself.
1)      To live creatively and express myself through my artworks, designs, writing and performances.
2)      Financial freedom.
3)      To find love again (Though I find the prospect of a lasting emotional relationship somewhat unlikely)
4)      To get married
5)      To raise children, in a loving stable home with my partner.
6)      Create a Purky Art Farm (A self sustaining small holding with studio and gallery spaces, offering  artists somewhere to work and teach)
7)      To build and sustain strong relationships and networks, offering something positive to all the people around me.
8)      To die at the right time, for the right reason.
And perhaps most importantly of all that all the things I think I ‘Want’ actually bring me happiness and fulfilment or points the way to my ‘Truth’.

Here is a ‘Truth’ that helps me. This is my Mother’s oak tree. Right now it is not much more than a sapling but it will outlive me and quite possibly my grandchildren. As it grows and flourishes, over three hundred different kinds of life will be supported under, over and inside its mighty boughs. 
I like to think that my two very talented, hardworking brothers, my amazing sister and myself, are acorns from the oak that was Lynn Joy Pursey.  We are growing and building our futures, raising families, loving and living.

Things will get better, you just keep going…

Captain Purky signing off x

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Visiting Mum

I popped across to visit my Mother..well her grave but in emotional terms they are pretty similar things.
It was a few weeks before the Purky Party and I was feeling rather bouyant in myself.
The approach to her site

I was very happy to see her plaque and tree had been placed and planted. The tree is an english oak, it will grow strong and proud and possibly live for hundreds of years.

English Oaks support over 300 different forms of life in a symbiotic relationship, everything from birds who nest in the trees, squirrels eating the acorns to lichen and insects. Even when the tree eventually dies it will support different funguses and bacteria.

My Mum, while somewhat conservative in her attitudes on occassion was incredibly loving and supportive.

She used to love primroses. I have inherited that love and feel they are one of the greatest spring flowers. Their rosettes of leaves and flowers pushing up and unfurling. The bright flowers against the murky gloom of winter.

I wanted to plant the primrose for her, had I remembered in autumn I would have planted daffodil bulbs (another favourite) but instead I peeled back a piece of her turf and popped the primrose in. Blue was her favourite colour.

Et Voila 🙂 I felt rather good just popping and paying my respects. I don’t really talk to the space, I believe that once the electrical signals in the brain have faded the soul and true aspect of the person has left. My respect comes from visiting and maintaining the site.

The sun came around and it was time to leave. I felt the sun setting behind the tree was a lovely image and I went home to continue my art and get ready for the show.

Catch you later

H
xx

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Heart of Purky

I like to think of love as being two people connecting and forming a bond. These bonds can last forever or maybe even a few days or hours.

The cynic in me says Love is either hormonal chemicals or social convenience but the real me has a very different opinion.

These heart pendants have not been made to cash in on Valentines Day. Recently I started to fall for an amazing guy but after a pretty intense eight weeks we have cooled down. That sensation of being entirely at the mercy of your heart and feelings is so intoxicating, bewildering and magnificent.

I have contrasted fractured metal leaf against Mokume Nendo. Both techniques are unpredictable and need careful handling to get the best results. They contrast with one another but show their closeness. The join is not smooth but toothed and meshed.

A bit like Love.

Purky Products is all about Handcrafted Joy.

What is Love if not the knife edge of Joy?

My Purkiest kisses for you all xxx

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Goodbye Mum

Nothing and everything to say really.  I was in Bournemouth at a friend’s house, having done a photoshoot the day before. I notice missed calls and followed them up.
Dad told me Mum was in Bath hospital and the end was nigh. I showered and contacted my sister. Loaded the car up and headed over.
About half an hour away from Bath I checked my text messages and saw that Mum was heading back to the nursing home. My sister and father managed to convince them to allow her to head back to the nursing home, my Mother sincerely did not wish to die in a hospital.
I somehow got their first and I know this, may sound bizarre, I wanted to take some photographs of her room. This was going to be the last place that she drew breath, it needed to be remembered.
I feel that in many ways that room was more homely than her house was at the end.  That moon was a present from Dad, I don’t remember when it arrived in our lives but have always been very fond of it.
Some of her favourite objects surrounded her and pictures of her children on their graduation days looked down at her. The box frame on the left is her corsage from my brothers wedding.

A bit later on, I saw Mum being wheeled in on the bed and lurked in the lounge while the nurses and care staff transferred her back to her bed. A brief family conference before we headed in to see her.
Without meaning to sound brutal or callous, it was clear that her time was drawing to a close. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, there was no response to stimulus.
I left to have some breakfast and my sister and father, who had been up all night left to get some rest.
While I was waiting for my food to arrive (at the pub round the corner) my sister called to let me know that Mum had slipped away.
It feels like, she was waiting for that quiet moment of peace. Perhaps I am needlessly romanticising and that’s just the moment her heart stopped and her brain shut down. Although, in all honesty, I feel that she was probably holding on until she was alone, before she passed.
I finished my breakfast/tea and headed on back to the nursing home. Just a short walk.  My sister was on the phone making important calls to people to let them know. Dad was outside smoking.
I went into see her. Knocked on the door. Yeah, I know….
Anyway, she was laid there, the care staff had tidied the room around her and placed a flower on her chest. I had a few words…as you do I suppose. Kissed her upon the forehead. It was the strangest feeling, knowing that she couldn’t feel what I was doing. There was that momentary flash of fear that she might, well open her eyes and scream or something. I know that is ridiculous but her near death has been a recurring theme throughout my life.
Obviously, she didn’t stir. I took a heart shaped brooch I made in 2009 as an anniversary present for her (Dad has matching cufflinks) and placed it next to the flower. It was very odd walking away from her for the last time. I will not see her again. I presume her casket will have a closed lid.
For the first time in so long, my mother was peaceful.
I will miss her company and comfort and wisdom. She also had a wicked sense of humour.
But, I would gladly trade every shred of happiness she offered me for her peace and safety. Her body will never hurt and her mind will never be stressed ever again.
I am a grown man and I will be absolutely fine and capable and strong even without my Mother’s presence. 
As much as I will miss her.
She showed me how to be a person and I will continue to live honestly, expressively and joyously in her honour.
Lynn Joy Pursey 1948 – 2011
We love you

Harry xxx